Jealousy.

Years ago, I kept getting pregnant and having miscarriages. I wanted a baby sooo bad, and it just wasn't happening for me. During that time, pregnant women were EVERYWHERE ... on tv, in the grocery store, at restaurants .... I couldn't go anywhere without being reminded every second that I could not carry a baby.

I feel like that now.

Everywhere I go there are happy couples. They laugh, they joke, they share their "pearls of wisdom." Just like we used to do. I am so unbelievably jealous of these people who have found someone that loves them.

I want a new life. I want to be special to someone. I want to laugh with someone, I want someone to make me their priority. I am so sick of being alone. I have been alone, yet married, for years. He was always caught up in his own life, and he forgot about me. And then, in his perfect narcissist way, he turned it around to make it look like I was the one who forgot. I don't think he sees it even now.

There has to be more than this. This can't be all life is about ... there has to be more than sadness and loneliness. There has to be. Someday I hope I find it.