I hate my thoughts sometimes. They are so intrusive and I try not to fight them - I try to let them go, without judging them as bad or good or intrusive .... but they keep coming and it's hard.
Sometimes I can't make my mind stop "seeing" my husband having sex with a morbidly obese grandmother in my house while I slept, nine months pregnant, curled up with my babies. It just keeps replaying, over and over, and it makes me sick and it makes me want to lash out and smack him. (Or worse, sometimes.)
Klonopin helps. But that's just for emergencies.
I need to find new coping skills.