Saturday, May 14, 2011


I tell him, over and over and over, what I need in a man.

He refuses to do the simple things I need a partner to do, and is incapable of others.

I have a plan now. The plan is to stick it out until I have enough money. If this means faking it so he thinks everything is fine, so be it. I will stay here and fawn over him, even make love to him if I have to. I will play his game the way he wants me to play it, and then one day, when I have the money, I will file for divorce.

This is not lying, it is self preservation.

It is the only way I can see this going well. I cannot continue to talk to him, begging him to be a man he cannot be.

I cannot just up and leave - I have five kids and no resources.

But in time, I will have resources. The kids will be older and perhaps all the little ones will be in school.

In time, I will be free. Free to be me, free to love and be loved, free to do as I please when I please.

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