Abuse.

"Psychological abuse makes me feel sad and hopeless. I can’t seem to find my future or joy. It robs me of energy and dampens my passion and excitement about life. I’ve never cried so much on the inside. I’m sorry that abuse puts my friendships under strain and that my ways of coping have caused friends to walk away. I want you to know these ways of coping are an attempt to actively resist abuse—even backing down and putting up with it. I’m not weak, a pushover or a doormat."


From this link:
http://dl.dropbox.com/u/5674111/Jane%20McWilliams-psychological%20abuse.pdf

I am sorry for wanting to end my life earlier today. I have so much to live for. But sometimes it all seems to be too much.

Goodbye.

I truly think the world would be a better place without me.

Nothing I do is ever good enough for anyone. Everyone I have ever loved has betrayed me, lied to me, turned on me.

I've tried so hard to be a good person. I worked at my marriage and loved my husband with all my heart. I've remained neutral in arguments with family and done everything in my power to be a decent, good person.

And what I got in return was cheating, lies, backbiting, betrayal.

I don't expect perfection from people.

But I also don't expect to be treated like a piece of trash, and especially not from those who I love the most - my husband, my mother, my friends, my aunt.

I think it would be better if one morning they woke up and I wasn't here anymore. My presence in this world is not beneficial to anyone. Not a single person.

You might say, "What about your children?"

And I tell you this. In all the years I have been a mother, I have been called a bad one literally thousands of times. I have been threatened with CPS because of choices that I made, choices that did not affect my children in any way. I have heard the ranting for so long, what a horrible person and mother I am - from so many people. If one person tells you this you might be hurt or angry but it's been everyone close to me. And when everyone you know says these things, you need to look at your life and take notice. They must have a point.

My children would be better off without me.

I hope they can all understand where I'm coming from. I don't want to poison the world anymore.

Future.

All the years you have waited for them to“make it up to you” and all the energy you expended trying to make them change [or make them pay] kept the old wounds from healing and gave pain from the past free rein to shape and even damage your life.

And still they may not have changed. Nothing you have done has made them change. Indeed, they may never change. Inner peace is found by changing yourself, not the people who hurt you. And you change yourself for yourself, for the joy, serenity, peace of mind, understanding, compassion, laughter, and bright future that you get.

~ Lewis Smedes